The Psion^®Surfer’s Lament

Dedicated to Elisabeth Ann Liddell  Staunch Champion of Geofox^® Users Everywhere

Wherever I am I like to stay wired

But lugging a laptop just makes me too tired.

Away on a trip and despairing one day

I thought there just has to be some better way.

I read subnotebook, handheld, and PalmPilot^® reviews

And scoured the Usenet soliciting views.

After considering all of the handhelds under the Sun

I went out and bought a Geofox One^®.

The machine and its software perform pretty well

Agenda is nifty and Data just swell.

The Message Suite email is not all that bad

But when I tried "Web" the browser, I felt I’d been had.

Now if you like your HTML simple and pure

And Shockwave^® or RealAudio^® hold no allure.

If you’d rather drink Java

Than have it do tricks

And want no Sound or Fury

To flow from your clicks.

And you think the Web reached its zenith in 1992

Then "Web" the Psion browser is perfect for you.

Some, on the other hand, don’t think it’s that great

To work with a tool that is so out of date.

And only a Luddite, doesn’t think it’s archaic

To be stuck with a feature set matching Mosaic.

So let’s just examine with a view to the facts

A few major features that Psion’s "Web" browser lacks.

With Netscape^®, Explorer^® or Opera^®, there’s this little trick

To speed up your browsing if you right-button click

On a link or a hot spot, then you will behold

A separate window opens for the new page to load.

But if "Web" is your World Wide Web Ticket To Fun

The Grand Total of windows you can open is one.

A One-Woman Man shows devotion and class.

But a one-window browser is a pane in the ass.

Many sites on the Web are now using frames

"No problem" the "Web" Help file exclaims.

Save the page to your disk and import into Word.

You began as a surfer, but now you’re a nerd.

First do a Find to retrieve [FRAME SRC = "something.html"]

(For Geeks this is Heaven; for the rest of us Hell)

Copy the "something" and then do a paste

Back into "Web," where part of the original URL is replaced.

But if the name in the code starts with a "/", then of course

You just "Append the filename from the HTML source."

Whoever at Psion decided this lame workaround meets a real need

Must have been smoking a Prohibited Weed.

But for most sites with frames, it’s a point that is moot

There’s no way to partake of their forbidden fruit.

You will just get the message "Your browser does not support frames."

Or your browser is "Obsolete," or "Non-standard," or a quite variety of other choice names.

Composing these messages must give Webmasters yuks

And I now know every synonym for "Your browser sucks!"

E-commerce is thriving the pundits all say,

New Internet opportunities arrive every day.

From ordering pizza or placing a bet

Reserving a table, a tee time, or a seat on a jet.

Enabling this boom is something they call "SSP."

Secure Sockets Protocol is the key.

With a Secure Socket connection to provide the encryption

Your credit card number is safe from all interception.

But at Psion, SSP isn’t high on the list.

They think it’s a conditon to be treated by a urologist.

So when "Web" encounters a site that’s secure

There is only one thing of which to be sure.

The reception you’ll get couldn’t be any ruder.

To an SSP server you are just an intruder.

What severe limitation of "Web" will we discover next?

Hint: don’t try saving pages to disk as a file of type "text."

"No problem we’ll just print it," you say.

Not so fast Buster -- printing’s a feature that’s still years away.

But "Web" does support downloads, as long as they’re small.

Larger files, though, won’t download at all.

They may freeze your machine, and it’s a safe bet

To recover you’ll need to perform the Dreaded Soft Reset!

Now you can lead a full life and be pleased with your station

Without trying out every hot innovation.

There are those who like walking instead of driving a car.

Or listening to Nature where no Walkmen^® are.

Or who make all their own clothing, and don’t like to buy it.

Or have heard of indoor plumbing, but aren’t ready to try it.

Or don’t trust any products that come from a store.

Or because soap is so toxic, don’t bathe anymore.

It’s a matter of attitude, if you will.

Either the glass is half empty, or with "Web" it’s even emptier still.

You can still visit those Web sites that are truly pristine

Where text and still pictures wait to be seen.

But the one medallion for which no site designers strive

Proclaims "This site is best viewed on a Psion Series 5."

Meanwhile, the handheld market now contains quite a crowd.

PalmPCs, WinCEs, and Pilots all sport browsers of which they are proud.

You can browse with a cell phone, and of course your TV.

If toasters and toilets get browsers, it won’t surprise me.

As a Geofox user I ask ‘cause I care

Psion, have you got a secret you’d be willing to share?

As all of these devices try to eat each other alive

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